Humans are naturally motivated by the need to belong somewhere, somehow. But while it is true that belongingness makes people happy, it becomes harmful when the need to belong pushes people to conform to the “ideal” and neglect who they really are.
The Ugly Truth About Peer Pressure
Blind conformity bends and breaks the individual to fit it into a social circle to which the individual relinquishes its uniqueness. In the process, conformity irons out people into uniformity instead of preserving the individual and celebrating social diversity. This conformity in itself has brought more harm than good.
It becomes negative peer pressure when you feel required to say yes to something that you could have otherwise answered with a no because of the fear of non-acceptance and of being singled out. For a lot of people, no matter what the gender and age, there are instances when you utter a bubbly “yes” but deep inside, you hear yourself scream a loud and resounding “no.” Surprisingly, the road to healing may start with these simple two letters.
The Beauty Of Giving Yourself A Chance
Understand that your identity is not based on how many times you say yes to people. Life is not a scorecard in which one with the most tally of yes-es wins. It’s not about the first one who crosses the finish line. Not being able to keep up does not make you less of the beautiful person that you are.
You are still the same strong dreamer that you were even if you don’t always give in to people’s demands. You don’t have to be ashamed of being your true self. So if you feel like spending your time alone at home instead of going out with friends on a Friday night, know that it’s not wrong to say no.
I hope you realize that no one has the right to make you feel guilty about choosing yourself sometimes.
The Beauty Of Looking Farther Beyond
It is possible that despite saying yes to your friends and going out with them, you will still feel alone and sad once you get home. Being with the company of people you only meant to please will not solve your problems, but will only aggravate your anxiety. Remember that you don’t have to keep saying yes for the sake of temporary affirmation because you are here for a greater purpose.
You can explore the world and appreciate that it has so much to offer. So when you feel that your world has been narrowed down to the expectations of your peers, know that it’s not wrong to widen your perspective and expand your network.
I hope you realize that there is a bigger world out there and there is more to life than being able to meet people’s expectations.
The Beauty Of Loving Yourself Too
Before you belong somewhere or with someone, you have to belong to yourself first. Before doing your best to say yes to others, you have to at least say yes to yourself. Self-love is one of the best kinds of love in the world. Always remember what Alicia Munoz, LPC said, “Self-love doesn’t have to be a complicated, unattainable experience that only people who’ve had wildly fortunate lives or a rare great childhood can access.”
It is the foundation of every relationship because you cannot give what you don’t have. So when you find it difficult to love others, know that it starts with saying yes to loving yourself, yes to enjoying your personal time, and yes to accepting the person that you are – in all its flaws and craziness.
I hope you realize that you can only fully love others when you love yourself. According to Arianna Smith, LPC, EMDR, “Self-love is — at its core — the unshakable, uncompromising belief that we are worthy of love, respect, safety, and belonging, regardless of our thoughts, feelings, or actions.”
It’s challenging to start saying no when you are so used to saying yes to people all the time. But always remember that pencils never get in their best pointy shapes without being sometimes sharpened. It may have been painstaking, but the rewards of finally living who you are leads to happiness. Who would have thought that the secret is only two simple letters — no?
Take note that based on Trudi Griffin, LPC, “Self-worth is what enables us to believe that we are capable of doing our best with our talents, of contributing well in society, and that we deserve to lead a fulfilling life.”
